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I have not been blogging to much here recently; I haven’t been doing too much of anything recently.  I’ve been too worried.  Here’s why:

My mom has cancer.

Earlier this month we got a telephone call at 5:30 am.  Never a good thing, right?  It was my parents calling to tell me that they’d found some suspicious “spots” in different places around her body – lungs, throat, chest – and the doctor was fairly certain they were cancer, though they’d need a biopsy to be sure.

So I waited for the biopsy.  My mom went through the biopsy, and I waited for the results.  The results?  Inconclusive.

So we all waited for the next biopsy and the next results.  They came back this morning.

Cancer.

If there’s any good news to be had, it’s that the only cancerous spot was on her lungs.  The others were not of concern.  Also, the cancer is fairly new and small.

And so now there’s more waiting.  Waiting to find out the treatment plan.  Waiting to know what tomorrow will bring.  Waiting here because I can’t be there.  Wishing I could be closer.

Sometimes the sacrifice of choosing a life that leads us so far away from loved ones is acutely felt.

I know she’s going to be okay.  I’m sure treatment will not be easy, but she’s going to be okay in the end.  Knowing that doesn’t make it feel much better.  I feel useless and frustrated.  I can’t even be in the same place as the rest of my family.  I want to climb into bed for a day and stay there.  Instead of been staying as busy as possible.  Busy means no time to think.  Only now I can’t help but think about it, and I’m exhausted.

I know I can carry this weight, but I’ve got to get used to it for a little while.

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9 Responses to no title

  1. Sara says:

    I’m so sorry. Let me know if you want to talk.

  2. Dawn says:

    Sorry to hear that Erica. I will pray for you and your family. Keep us posted if you need anything.

  3. Tyly says:

    I’m so sorry, Erica. Please know we are all thinking of you and your family!!

  4. Cassandra says:

    Oh, Erica. This post took my breath away. I am so sorry about your mother’s diagnosis. And I understand (really) how you feel about being so far away from your family during a difficult time. Military wives are steel magnolias. I will always believe that.

    As someone whose daddy had cancer, I understand how you feel. Although he has passed, let me reassure you that it was NOT the cancer that finally ended his life. In fact, the cancer was a tiny matter compared to everything else that was going on.

    I know you know this, but cancer is treatable. And you’re right – your mama will be okay. But that doesn’t lessen your concern or hurt. I will be thinking of you, sweet friend.

  5. Shanti says:

    I’m so sorry, Erica. We’ll be thinking and praying for you and your family.

  6. Erica, be strong and keep your head up! God is a big God! Prayer works and can move mountains!

  7. Mom says:

    I love you punkin, I know you can handle it, you are my daughter! Just keep posting pictures of my three little rays of sunshine and keep calling and I can deal with anything.
    Mom

  8. Catherine H. says:

    I’m so sorry about these news Erica ! Be strong, I will be thinking for you and all of your family !

  9. Teri says:

    I’m so sorry to read this, Erica. Truth be told I don’t blog much now either. Hadley never sleeps/naps long enough! But I will pray for sure!

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